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Sexual Compulsion, Addiction, and Dependency
Sex is at the core of our identities. And when it becomes a compulsion it can unravel our lives.A way to understand sexual addicts is to compare them with other types of addicts. A common definition of alcoholism and drug dependency is that a person has a pathological relationship with a mood-altering chemical. The alcoholic's relationship with alcohol becomes more important than family, friends, and work. The relationship progresses to the point where alcohol is necessary to feel normal. To feel "normal" for the alcoholic is also to feel isolated and lonely, since the primary relationship depended upon to feel adequate is with a chemical, not other people.
Sexual addiction is parallel. The addict substitutes a sick, secret relationship to an event or a process for a healthy relationship with others. There are several levels of sex addiction, and each level has different behaviors, cultural standards, legal consequences/risks, whether or not a victim is involved, and varying public opinions. For sexual addicts, an addictive experience progresses through a four-step cycle that intensifies with each repetition: preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior, and despair. The pain the addict feels at the end of the cycle can be numbed or obscured by sexual preoccupation that reengages the addiction cycle.
Recovery from sex addiction includes breaking through denial that the compulsive behaviors are problematic, changing faulty core beliefs, regular attendance at Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) meetings, and working the twelve steps of alcoholics anonymous adapted for sexual addicts.