Characteristics of Codependency
Codependents tend to take care of others to before themselves. When the caretaking becomes compulsive, their relationships become unhealthy.Below is a list of common thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of codependents:
- Feel overly responsible for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, and ultimate destiny.
- Feel it is easier to be concerned with others than themselves, and this in turn enables them to not look too closely at their own problems.
- Feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
- Feel compelled—almost forced—to help others solve problems, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
- Feel angry when their help isn't effective.
- Anticipate other people's needs, and wonder why others don't do the same for them.
- Find themselves saying yes when they mean no, doing things they don't really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.
- Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others, rather than injustices done to themselves.
- Feel best when giving, and feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them.
- Feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help.
- Over-commit themselves, feel harried and pressured, and may become addicted to excitement.
- Confuse love with pity, and "love" people they can pity and rescue.
- Feel dependent and terrified of abandonment, and will do anything to hold on to a relationship to not re-experience the abandonment wound.